Saturday, September 13, 2003

Saturday! It's amazing how I look forward to the weekend, eventhough my weekdays are pretty much the same.

I had signed up for an entire weekend of Lindy Hop dance sessions with Frankie Manning, who, I am told, is one of the pioneers of this type of dancing. All I know is that I spent 4 hours with a friendly 89 year-old man teaching a roomfull of adults how to Lindy. It began nicely enough; learned a new step or two, but by the end I thought I was in Hell. Many of the steps required the follower (me) to spin. And, of course, these spins would be repeated. Then the last step the followers learned was a fishtail, where you sashay your hips as you walk (very coolly, mind you) backward. At the same time, the leaders are walking forwards in a step known as the pimp. It was funny seeing some of the older white guys trying this step! But after spinning and fishtailing, and always switching partners, I was pretty dizzy, which caused much spinning uncontrollably and getting out of step. Also, I was sweating like a pig!

After that, Tim and I went home and relaxed. For dinner we reheated a calzone I had made last night (yes, from scratch....Betty Crocker eat your heart out!). Then we took a walk out on the wharf. The lights on the water were pretty, and there was some bioluminescence. It was Tim's first experience, and we both watched schools of fish-shaped blue-green light swim around under the pier. Now we're back and Tim has resumed his game of nethack. He is so cute right now as he follows his character through a maze, fighting monsters and collecting gold and food. It's more fun for me when he dies, simply because a lot of cursing takes place at his computer.

I am slowly learning to completely trust him. I trust him already. Not that he has ever cheated on me or anything like that. I realized recently that I don't fully believe that he loves me absolutely. I think it's because other men have told me they loved me and would never leave me, blah, blah, blah, and, clearly, they are no longer a part of my life. Tim says he loves me, but a small part of me feels like it's waiting for the other shoe to fall. Now that I recognize that, I can work on relaxing and going with the flow of our relationship. He loves me and I know that if the day comes when he doesn't love me anymore, he will tell me. He is not the type of guy who says things just to make me happy. He means what he says, which is a trait most folks don't come across very often. Or, people say things just to hear their own voices. Tim isn't like that, either. So when he says he loves me and wants us to be together for a long time, I know he means it. I just need to let go of some baggage. <> Whew! that's much better.

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