Monday, June 23, 2008

Not Worthy

I was wondering why the thought of meeting new people and striking up conversations with total strangers was bringing me down. Is it low self-esteem? I do think that I'm not very interesting and wonder who would want to get to know me on this trip?

Then I think that I'm selling myself short. During my childhood I was an A student with a sense of humor and a little shy. My grandfather would be happy with my grades, then immediately would berate me for my shortcomings: being fat and not speaking Spanish. He seemed to really focus on these two flaws. It made me think that even if I'm great at some things I cannot really be a worthwhile person when I have such defects.

*Whew* OK, that took a lotta guts on my part to tell you about this. I have been working on loving and understanding myself. I have much more confidence in myself than when I was in high school and college. Being a new situation brings up all these not-so-old feelings along with some normal anxiety.

I have to remind myself that I am a good person and worthy of all the good things that take place in my life.


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