Tuesday, September 30, 2003

You know, I really don’t want that alternative classroom job. The idea of baby-sitting kids who don’t want to be in school just doesn’t appeal to me. Tomorrow is that meeting (I don’t want to call it a job interview) at the local high school. I think it will be my last interview for a while. I’m tired of rejection. I also feel that I’m forcing my future to happen. I’m just grasping at straws now, where before I only went for secondary science teaching positions, now I’m trying for anything. Subbing isn’t all that bad, and the new semester begins in January. A friend of mine is thinking of quitting then, but I’m not sure I want her job, either. The commute would not be good. I want to teach. Sounds silly, actually wishing for a thankless job with good benefits and no money, where I am the only adult in a room full of sarcastic overreacting teens who don’t want to learn anything. OK, that last bit was a little harsh, but you know what I mean.

I was thinking of maybe using my newfound joy of exercise and weight loss to become a personal trainer or fitness instructor or something. But, I would miss the kids. Maybe I am meant to be a P.E. teacher. Yeah, funny. Can you picture me in polyester shorts and a whistle? P.E. has got to be worse than science. Imagine the frustration of having kids fail P.E. I mean, at least you can rationalize failing an academic class, but if a kid can’t be motivated to bring tennis shoes or attempt to throw a ball, then you’ve got REAL problems.

Anyway, this teaching hiatus has got me thinking about my future. That is where the whole fitness instructor thing came up. It would be fun to motivate people to lead a healthier lifestyle. I could do a class or have a client in the morning, then do that academic class in the afternoon (if I even get/want it). Or is the best thing for me todo is wait until next year? As frustrating as my "now" is, subbing may be what I’m meant to do. I feel that I’ve learned so much about classroom management and how to read students just from my few days of being a substitute. I don’t know…..not having a real job has taken a lot of my fire. But, Tim has commented on how excited and happy I am when I’ve been subbing.

Maybe I need to think some more.

Maybe I need to think less. Hmmm…. That is something I’m not good at. I tend to over-think things.

Whatever, it is time for me "to let go and let God," as my mom would say.

OK then. That is what I’ll do.

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