feeling

i am experiencing a lot of feelings right now and i don't like it. i thought that i was ok at expressing my feelings, but i guess i still hold them in. after last week's threat i kinda tried to keep my frustrations all bottled up so that i could go to work, but that didn't turn out so well as i only managed to make myself sick. both my dr and the psychologist pretty much said i need to let it out and talk to the principal. by letting her know how i feel i will be taking action and won't feel so victimized. oh, and i'll tap in to my strengths and not focus on my weakness. and if my body says it needs to cry then i need to cry, even if that means taking time away from work to let it all hang out.

i think that is what i will do. i hope one week away will be enough. i really want to resume my life.

monkey rat is getting old. i don't think i can handle another bad thing right now. she needs to live until june.

no wonder i keep it locked up inside. i don't like feeling this way. i like being happy. i don't like feeling sad. but we all have to feel bad right when it happens otherwise it messes us up. i still don't like it. i like being in control and right now my feelings are refusing to stay put and hidden. they want to come out. i am glad i have a caring husband who is willing to listen and hug me. and is supportive when i start talking about taking time off of work.