Saturday, February 23, 2008

Phantom Illness

My dad just joined a men's rehabilitation colony. I'm very glad he chose to seek help (whether he accepts it or not is another thing), yet I will say that the idea of my father in a place like that makes me feel a little sad. On the day Tim dropped him off I felt like a parent sending her child to school for the very first time, wanting him to be safe and happy, knowing it will be hard but, at the same time, that it's good for him.

Yesterday we got a message from him requesting we pick up his suitcase, and odds and ends he's not allowed to have, from the front desk. He sounded scared and not at all like himself. I guess I got a little worried. Change is hard, especially when it's necessary and will make you a better person.

This morning on the way to rehab I started to get ill. I was nauseous, dizzy, my skin was tingling. When we got there the man at the desk said we could see him for a minute and as soon as I saw him walking down that long hallway, I started tearing up. He seemed a bit better, but I can tell he was being brave...for me? for himself? We hugged, he hugged Tim, we all hugged each other. Then we left.

It was hours before I started to feel better. I finally feel fine. Now I'm off to bed.

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Was watching Evan Almighty this afternoon/evening. Love dvds, as I can pause and come back anytime to finish the movie. Anyway, there was a scene where God (Morgan Freeman. Man, I would love it if God was like Morgan Freeman.) pretty much says that when we pray for something (patience, courage, family) he doesn't give us the thing so much as opportunities to be the thing; opportunities to be patient, opportunities to be courageous, opportunities to love your family. I'm not sure what my subconscious is praying for, but I definitely have been given plenty of opportunities this year to be strong and speak my mind instead of sitting back.

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