Saturday, February 09, 2008

Fat and Old

That is me. Right now. I am old and fat.

I try to ignore it, but my big gut keeps reminding me that I am fat.

**Just got back from reading my previous post** Yeah, I was like, gee, this is all very familiar...did I already blog this?? And yup I already did.

Well, I was feeling a bit better during the week. I changed from the Core Plan back to the Flex Plan and I KNOW I have done very well. I dusted off my kitchen scale and all my measuring cups and counted many BLTs (bites-licks-tastes). I was feeling very strong until just now....

...I worked out then took a shower. Once my clothes were off I saw this huge belly turn away from me. My gut is so huge it kinda aches, like it knows it's carrying extra weight around and is tired from it. I have been on-plan for weeks, especially this week, and if I go in tomorrow and weigh-in and show a gain I think I will break down right there and cry if I don't just leave and never come back.

At least with being fat I do have some power and can lose the weight. eventually. even if it kills me. But there's nothing I can do about getting old. Every day I look in the mirror and my mother or grandmother stare back at me. :-(

So I am not feeling very good about myself right now.

My body seems to have a plan of its own and doesn't seem to want to let the rest of me know what that is. I guess that means I have some growing/wisening up to do in order to understand my body, my self.

bleh.

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